I’ve posted before about my history with weight and the cycle of losing and gaining over and over.  Another year and a half has passed, and I’m still on the same roller coaster. My weight goes down, then up, then down, then up again. Here’s a glance at what I’m talking about:

Heaviest Weight Jan 1, 2010 – 291.5 
Feb 14, 2011 – 254.5 
Restart Dec 27, 2012 – 277.3 
May 15, 2013 – 257.0 
Restart Again! May 30, 2014 – 283.6 
Most Recent Weight July 3, 2014 – 272.4

There really is no good excuse.  There are two reasons I am in this position:

1. I love food and I haven’t been willing to make sacrifices in this area.  I am talking about lots of food, and mostly unhealthy food. Fast food, sweets, and Dr. Pepper in particular. Food is my comfort, food is my stress reliever, food is my reward.  Food is everywhere and it’s often the center of socializing with friends, at church, and out on dates with my husband.  I know food is not bad.  Eating is a necessity, and even enjoying food is okay.  I also know I have an unhealthy love for food, maybe even an addiction.  I overeat in public, but even worse, I eat more in secret than I would like to admit.  

2. I am lazy.  I’m not being too hard on myself.  It’s true. I hate to take time to prepare food.  I do not enjoy cooking.  I would prefer to go to a drive-thru or order pizza every day. I’m talking mostly about being lazy when it comes to making myself something to eat, although it does carry over into exercise too.  Sometimes I’ll go for a walk or I’ll march around my living room until I get 10,000 steps on my fitbit, but most of the time I am am a couch potato.

I keep wondering what is it going to take for me to truly get serious about changing my lifestyle and taking care of my body.  You would think that the feeling I get when looking in the mirror, or being somewhere in public where I can’t fit in the seats, or not being able to fit into any of my clothes would be enough.  The shame and the sadness should motivate me, right?  Or the thought that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and I should honor God by taking care of it…that should do it.  My problem is that any motivation I get is only temporary, and so the roller coaster ride continues.  Up and down… sometimes upside down… and it never stops.  

On my profile for MyFitnessPal.com, I wrote this a while back… “Here I am, continuing on, hoping one day, I’ll have the desire and discipline to make lasting changes.”  The only solution I have right now is to stop hoping and to start doing.  When I don’t feel like exercising, do it anyway.  When I’d rather go through the drive-thru, go home and make myself something to eat instead. When I’m craving sweets, eat some fruit.  Pineapple and strawberries are yummy, so enjoy them!

I realize I have the choice about what I put into my body and how I spend my time.  There is no excuse for my obesity.  So that’s what I have to do… make a choice to change my life, one day at a time, one meal at a time.   

One final thought is that I know I cannot do it alone.  As I make choices each day, I need to draw strength from the Holy Spirit.  I have God’s power available to me, but I often ignore it and try to do things on my own.  I also need to rely on the accountability of friends.  I have my husband, and I have my ladies accountability group at church.  I need to be honest with them, ask them for prayer, and listen to their wisdom.  

I’ve never liked roller coasters, so it’s time to get off of this one!